yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
