Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
