Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
