Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.

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(512): View more from Texas

At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..

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(417): View more from Missouri

how was ur day?

(405): View more from Oklahoma

this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."

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(607): View more from New York

I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila

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(541): View more from Oregon

It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.

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(669): View more from California

Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down

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