On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
