And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
