Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
