i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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