I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
