my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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