it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So vagazzling was a success
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize