You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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