a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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