this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My ass is underappreciated
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
