Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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