it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
