im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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