My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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