at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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