He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
