You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
