mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Come share oat with me in your robe
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
