it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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