Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
