I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
