what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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