Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
