I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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