some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
