So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
