pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
