I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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