In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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