Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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