oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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