both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
