i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize