I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
