Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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