my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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