SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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