I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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