just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
