And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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