Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize