If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
