The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
