Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
