Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
