i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
