i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
