Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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