is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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