So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
