Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
