Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
