um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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