**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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