I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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