I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize