he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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