Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
