just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize