There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
