sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
zippers are such a cool invention
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
