Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
