There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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