I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
