Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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