In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
