wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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